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Letting Go and Looking Forward

Moving across the country and starting a brand new degree is hard. I’m not sure why I expected it to be any different. I really want to focus on the positive and the fun for Writing Whimsy, because otherwise, where’s the whimsy? But I have to say it. Beginning my PhD has not been easy. Right now I’m realizing that a project I’ve been attached to since I started in September may not be the one I’ll end up doing. I might be able to save elements, but in general– it just might not be the right time for it. Maybe in ten years, when certain costs have decreased. But sometimes, I think, you have to admit to yourself that no matter how much you want something, it’s not always possible. That’s depressing. I mean, we’re always told to chase after our dreams and believe in ourselves. Well, I can’t believe in $340,000 magically appearing to do my project, and I’m not sure that my Plan B will work. So if it doesn’t, then yes, it is time to move on. I’d rather recognize this now then after three or four years of work. I think the same thing can be said about a lot of life. Sometimes, it’s okay to let go.
The other thing I’m struggling with is a take home statistics midterm, but I just got that today and I somehow maybe just managed to do a question worth 8% which is way more than I thought I could do when I was first handed it. So I’m going to somehow believe the rest is possible. I have to try to be a little optimistic at least. 
With that in mind, here are a few things I am looking forward to this week:
  • Halloween manicure (tomorrow night! And I have the best orange by China Glaze from The Hunger Games collection).
  • Debate club on Wednesday, which I joined and really enjoy. I debated for the first time in three years last week and it went surprisingly well. My partner and I placed 2nd out of 4. Now that the rust is off, I can only get better.
  • Trying out another meal on my slow cooker. Probably a roast with potatoes, though I also bought some “simmering steaks” that I think might be good with onions and potatoes. 
  • Watching the new episode of Dexter that M and I didn’t get to watch tonight. I love that show. 
  • Continuing to work with the awesome associate book reviewer I got for my book blog, In The Next Room, and give myself a bit of a break from book reviewing. She just agreed to review a book I was pitched by the author– it sounded great but I didn’t have the time or energy for it. It felt awesome to be able to say ‘yes’ when usually I would have said ‘no’.
  • Somehow, despite the fact that it feels impossible at the moment, making a dent in this midterm (due next Wednesday) and being able to look back and be proud of all I’ve accomplished. I guess that goes for life in general.

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